Life has handed me many a good thing. i am a very lucky person. Sometimes, i want to run around and hug everyone because i feel as i could burst with love. Somehow though, i always manage to destroy all around me. i get so comfortable, oozing into routine, and in a sloth-like puddle, i lose all sense of significance and slump into a heedless ingrate. i collect greed like a snotty child collects stickers or rocks. i feel like i can't be satiated; more attention, more cookies, more comfort, more clothes, more appreciation, more love. i am a giant pudgy indulgence rolling down a hill and collecting everything in my path.
i keep wanting to feel certain things at certain times. i am however, fully aware that life is a random collection of events which happen as the system sees fit. This equals some pathetic disaster for me, because even when i am in the moment, i seem to be watching from the outside, my nose pressed helplessly against the glass. i used to be temperate and meditative. Now, i am rapaciously waiting to feel. Sometimes, i am particularly hopeful when the sun shines bright and beats warmth on my face, and i think i can clear my mind and heart. i have repetitiously learned that unfortunately, this optimism is quick to pass and really, i feel like shit and am a toxic receptacle, filled to the brim and almost overflowing. Wait...it has overflowed.
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HUG!
ReplyDeletedearest flithm, and your sweet and gentle comments, thanks for kicking me in the groin, because no doubt, i need it (and heck ya! do you think i need it). i am certianly not as wise as you, however, because i realize i have a problem doesn't mean i am whining about it. i hope i can approach things like a high class property manager one day, but these recent days are bad ones, and the pipe will go on leaking onto my poor serfs.
ReplyDelete*rubs groin*
thanks tim, i think.
ReplyDelete