Watching the Warm Poison Rats

There has been a lull here, and there. So i suppose the lull has been pretty constant.

It won't stop snowing where i am. i've never had a problem with the snow or how it likes to visit the city every now and again in the months of April, May, and June. But this year, "Fuck off." i have used my space heater so much that it is now broken. Next to the broken heater and un-shoveled sidewalks, i think about Barcelona. i would sit on the terrace and smoke packs of Marlboro Lights, drink cold white wine, eat avocados, and talktalktalk. At night, i would run out and watch the djs spin and the old bars would serve tall gins. In the afternoon, i would sleep in past siesta because of the night before, and because the heat would slow things down. Grocers always fresh, Sundays always closed, days always long, little streets narrowed with heat and architecture, vintage and parties and music and art and popsicles all the time.

i will not be able to go anywhere this year. i have spent all my money on something responsible. And i have to stay and study for the big one. This dark hole that i live in is also under a rock. i can't wait to crawl out.

...

Last night, a man found me and told me that i was mysterious and beautiful. i watched him smoke a lot of weed prior to the comment, and i think that he wanted sex. But it was still disturbingly nice to hear - i don't go out anymore.