Thursday, January 06, 2005

Hui Neng Spoke Of A Mirror And Dust

i am terribly unhappy. i just can't seem to get it together. Even in the most mundane situations and routines, i can't control myself.

i want to run into a monastery, starve myself, and meditate all day. i miss the slow calmness of the temples and the silence that never felt lonely. i want to feel detached and empty.

But now, i go on and read Master Hsing Yun's lectures, and i feel increasing resentment because i cannot apprehend Humanistic Buddhism. i am quite certain i am not to feel this way if i were to practice Buddhism properly.

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